Hostelitus

Is that a word? Patent Pending! ..Ok so If this blog posting seems to make no sense, it is completly distracted by the Nigerian basketcase re-doing her weave out of the corner of my eye. Talk about culture shock. I am certain that a terrorist is seeking refuge in my dorm room, as he studies all day, eating crackers from a can. Finally today two annoying UK residents fleed to southern Turkey, and thus, out of my life. They partied all night, and slept all day, ruining mine.

Ok, so today was yet another glorious day in Istanbul, and my day started early with a pedestrian escape from the Saltanahmet district in which I am sleeping. I walked along the Bosphorous boardwalk, and spotted a tourist couple and decided to latch onto their route to ensure my safety. I have a serious issue with just walking until I end up someplace shady, and it is too late to save my soul. Thankfully this couple knew where they were going, and "we" ended up in the main commercial area of Istanbul. I spent a shameful amount of time walking along the bridges taking photos of the locals fishing over the sides. This is how I lost my secret travel companions, and I immidietly lost my way and ended up in a narrow shady side street, which turned out to be a blackmarket for household appliances. After backing out of this situation, and the next, when I wandered into a shipyard, I headed back to Sultanahmet, and stumbled upon paradise.. a "tea garden" which was a glorious park in central Istanbul near my hostel. I was initially deterred by the armed guards at the gates, but headed in anyways. I walked along a long winding pathway, lined with tall trees and ridiculous amounts of tulip beds. These flower beds immidietly became frightening when I saw how many cats were living in them. Every now and then you would see one dart out and scurry across to another.

Science Girl arrived around dinner time, and we immidietly hit the streets.. and lucky for me, she was there to talk me out of buying street watermelon, which many of you know is my weakness, and the cause of my illness in China. "Let me just see how much it is" I insisted.. Next, in an attempt to shake SG from her jet lagged coma, we hit the restaurants and found a delightful one, fitted with pillowed couches and Turkish lanterns.. and of course, ridden with cats. One cat would sit under each table, waiting to pounce on any scraps that may come their way. One little misfit took a nap on Science Girls day back, which was placed on the ground between her legs.. which made for an uncomfortable dinner. We both waiting in anticipation for a rabies infection.

Tomorrow we have a long string of places to see and people to meet, and if everything works out we will get to hit up the continent of Asia as well!

PS. My sources reveal that SG may just be starting up a blog of her own?

B

Turkish Delight

It is only 3:15pm on Day 1 in Istanbul, Turkey and I feel as if I have accomplished enough touring for a week, however father time and his jet lagged antics are compeltely to blame. Staying in a hostel isnt as bad as I imagine it to be, though it is akward sharing rooms with people I do not know, I am instantly repaid when I wake up to conversations amongst the British residents about "VITTamins". I believe they were talking about how huge the VITTamin C pills were, the size of "dinnerplates" and that they were so hard to swallow, until later on the poor UK lad discovered that they were chewables.

Today I was "spot the tourist a mile away", Canadian edition. Despite the rather chilly air and cloudy skies, I lathered up in my 30SPF, and gleefully slipped on my flip flops, shorts, and t shirt, and hit the streets. It felt like summer, until the rain started. After scurrying back to the hostel to pick out a more appropriate outfit, I spent the afternoon "not buying, just browsing" the shops, and instead of lunch, decided to just buy a ridiculous amount of street bread and coke.

Today's highlight would be my observation of the disturbing, yet entertaining number of mangey cats lurking everywhere, who beg for bread, running the birds right out of a food source. Also, the "call to prayer" blasting on the city's loud speakers at 5am, 1pm, and god knows when else gives me the heeby's, it is just as creepy as I imagined, especially in the middle of the night.

Tomorrow's agenda is unclear, however I plan to make another attempt to get into the Four Seasons across the street from my hostel, which I am certain has a pretty fantastic outdoor pool. If that fails, which would be a realisitic asumption, I will hit up the mosaic museum, drink more coke, and hopefully allow time for my poor toes to heal from today's "breaking into the sandals" experience.. oh yes, and Science Girl will be arriving tomorrow, so I will have a partner in crime!

B

Communication At Its Best

Just a quick announcement to all DT readers;
Be sure to tune into CJSW 90.9FM tonight around 8:30pm to hear the exciting tales from Calgary' most outrageous Engineer, aka. my sister Stacey. Be sure to get on the phone lines, and call in with all sorts of outrageous things to say, if its that kind of venue..

I wont be in town to hear the fantastic appearance, so be sure to leave your comments hear to tell me all about how it went! You can listen online by clicking this link:

http://www.cjsw.com/home.html

B

Pack Rat Extroidenaire

With my departure just 48 hours away, I have slowly begun accumulating the "essentials" which must last me for the next two months. Lessons learned from past starvation's abroad have perhaps led me to overcompensate, and have filled my bag with enough snacks to keep a small army alive. I will assume that all those "haters" out there, who thrive on negative opinions about the 110L of space my travel bag can accommodate, are kicking themselves now that they see all of these delightful things I can add to my pack. Yes? Okay so perhaps my bag has yet to be filled with such necessities such as clothing or my passport, but I am confident that once all packed in, I will still be below the weight limit, thoughtlessly enforced by the airline industry.


So wish me luck on Monday's departure to Istanbul, and keep checking back for updates from my journey abroad. I will undoubtedly have countless stories to report, and perhaps even pictures to post!

B

Pick Your Poison

As my exciting travel days approach, I have been spending a lot of time getting my ducks in a row, and organizing such details as, where I plan to sleep at night. The other night I spent a glorious length of time with Science Girl on hostel details. We are both going to be in Istanbul on the same day, and it will be good having one of my besties by my side as I find creative ways to fend off money hungry locals, and undoubtedly force me to try local delicacies. I have however made a rule that I refuse to eat meat off of a revolving stick. I have not stayed in a hostel before, and am learning quickly that I may not enjoy, though am surprisingly excited to experience it. Science Girl and I spent hours skimming through hostel options, and tossing those which we deemed to be "uninhabitable". Thankfully, neither of us are attracted to such "pro's" as defined by the internet as being "great partying spots" or "social hubs for travelers." When I opened the page of one potential candidate, I was immediately disgusted when the main picture selected for the hostel was a large group of 20-something travelers all hanging out together in the lobby, having a fantastic chum session. This is my absolute nightmare. Under no circumstances do I think this was an appropriate selling point for this property, and would much prefer the management to showcase the cleanliness of the rooms, the one place in the hostel I plan to "hang out in", and by "hang out" I mean to sleep exclusively. I have no intention of "chillaxing" on beanbag chairs with fellow globetrotters on rainy afternoons, or reading novels from the "library" which one hostel boasted as a selling point. Your not fooling anyone, just because you have a single bookshelf partially filled with travel agency magazines, that doesn't make you the Four Seasons. Science Girl and I settled upon a candidate which thankfully didn't use "meet lifelong friends" as a sales pitch. Its not that I don't want to meet new people, I just don't want to have to talk to them.



My Prediction: I don't sleep a wink my first night alone in this hostel, as I am too busy contemplating ways in which I could potentially get suckered into something unpleasant, like a hostel photoshoot in the lobby, or a hammock chat with strangers about how traveling changed their life.

PS. Good luck to Science Girl who is having grad school interviews this week! Allstar!

B

My Reality

If I ate a chicken nugget for every time someone told me to enjoy my time out of school and work, and that one day I would wish this lifestyle back, I would be fat. Though I am certain that 90% of the time people told me that I should "enjoy this freedom" they are really just trying to make light of my dire situation, and every time I agree with them, I am lying. Some of my readers might thinking I am a spoiled little piglet, who is being over-dramatic and should be thankful for whatever non reason, and to them I would say that I JUST stopped receiving countless phone calls from local residents within my census district questioning the definition of a census, and the legitimacy of my inquiries. I hopefully will never again have to explain to grown adult homeowners what a census is, and how it benefits them to answer the five seconds worth of questions I have. "Who are you? What do you need my age for?" the bored citizens would pester, clearly wanting to maximize the length of the weekly phone call they receive. I so often wanted to reply, "so I can use this information to fit you for a computer chip, which I will insert into your bananas, which upon consumption, will allow me to follow your every step until the aliens come, and we can beam you into the mother ship and take you away." I no longer wake up screaming in the middle of the night "Its for your own benefit!"


Like a angel from above, "travel" is saving me from my reality, and teleporting me away from the nightmares of citizen counting, gift shop sales, and the restaurant frights, which have plagued my "vacation" since graduation in December. I will be headed to Turkey on Monday, and until then, have devoted my precious time creating a suitable packing list, and crunching the numbers to find out whether or not all the ridiculous jobs I have slaved at over the past few months will save me from starvation or international homelessness.

Donate to my cause.

B

Defective Thoughts: Mega Hit

Keep your contributions coming! They are much appreciated!

B

Now You Call Me

Today, Starbucks phoned me wanting to know if I was still interested in working there. I flooded all locations in the CBD back in February, hoping the kindred souls would save me from my dire conditions as a result of my restaurant job. I remember after each time I talked to a manager and handed in my resume I knew that "they would call me" and that I wouldnt need to pass out any more resumes for the afternoon. Low and behold I never got any calls. Today this woman asked me if I was still interested in "joining the Starbucks team" and had to bite my togne, as I had always planned to seek revenge against the establishment that rejected me ten times over. I kindly explained that I would be leaving for vacation, and would be away for a few months. I then asked her what location she was calling from, because I had "applied at a couple" I said. "Oh yes, I see that, I am calling on behalf of the downtown district." How embarassing, they are now aware that I am probably the most desperate person on the planet, and refused to take the hint from the first 9 locations, as I applied at 10 different shops. I had always planned to seek revenge on this place, should they give me a delayed phone call, something along the lines of "Oh Im sorry, no one ever bothered to call me 2 months ago, so I went elsewhere." That would teach them that no one neglects B's requests. I wanted to sternly respond "do you know what I have been going through at my other jobs!? DO YOU! why didnt you call me months ago!" But I have decided that I have burned enough bridges in my lifetime, and its time to start reversing the destruction, despite how boring that is.



Check back tomorrow for the latest installment of my art collection, and coming shortly will be blog postings from abroad! How very exciting!

B

Freedom

Today marks a monumental moment in my life, as I am officially no longer an employee at the restaurant which has foiled all my weekends for the past three months. Last night I worked my final shift, and I'm not going to lie, it took every ounce of my strength not to skip on my way out. I wanted to sit down in a booth and have a delicious meal for full price, instead of the standard "booth talk" as I am accustomed to. I can now put to rest any curiosities as to how long I would survive working in this chain of restaurants, the answer I have learned is, physically: 3 months, mentally: none. As a celebration of my release from the clutches of these anti-cotton maniacs, who seemingly got the impression that I was planning to return to my post in June, I am heading out of the city tomorrow for what I like to call a "domestic retreat." Ok, perhaps the location may not be a tourists first destination, it will ultimately be the mental holiday required to get me through he next few weeks before I begin my Mediterranean vacation. Despite my absence from the city scene, you will likely still be hearing from me via this blog, as I plan to figure out how "mobile blogging" fits into my daily schedule.



B

Don't Go A Knocking...

In accordance with my seemingly on purpose attempts to out-do my previous cash grabbing temp jobs, I have been slaving away in my local community on behalf of the Municipal Government trying to complete the census. In short, my duties involve going door-to-door seeking ever so uninteresting facts about the numskulls who live on site. Due to my never faltering hatred for the general public. The only thing I hate more then dealing with random strangers, is being the "unfortunate" one in the equation. By unfortunate, I refer to me, being the poor soul sauntering door to door asking how old they are and such. However, as I am always finding new ways to turn the tables on life, I have found ways to "deal" with the most common scenarios that put me in a vulnerable position.

Probably my most hated scenario I face, is the "your here to spy on me" routine. Typically, I can spot these nut case homes from afar, they wreak of "go away, I'm a freakshow". These houses usually have blankets or sheets draped all over any window, likely keeping the evil sun rays from getting into the vampire lairs which accommodate societies misfits. After I creep up the stairs, usually fitted with AstroTurf or red carpets stolen from a Safeway entrance way, I "knock gently on the glass" as instructed from the sign printed on yellow-tinted loose leaf. The doorbell, if present, has the wires torn right out of it, and the button is covered with black electrical tape.. just in case the frayed wires didn't tip me off that this house relies on "gentle screen door knocking" to alert the residents that the government is here to "take them away, and silence their opinions." When, or if, a scraggly human finds their way to the front door, it is opened just a crack, so I can see their chapped lips, muttering confusing non-words. Once they see that I have an identification badge strung around my neck with a silver chain, they know I am up to no good. They immediately slam the door shut, and scurry over to the living room window, and peer at me through their sunbleeched bed sheets. I made myself a promise from day 1 of this senseless project, that when people sat in their living rooms watching my poor soul stand at the front door like an idiot, that I would stand there twice as long as I normally would, just to show that I'm shameless. Its the only way that I know of to eventually make them feel uncomfortable instead of me. My defense for the typical "we dont want any!" routine? A simple.. "what? Representation in municipal affairs? That makes sense."



Tomorrow brings another day of hitting the 'ol grindstone, and in a perfect world, it would include an angry phonecall from the parents of a young home alone child, who I bullied into giving me all the information I needed to cash in, despite her repetitive claims that "she can't give this kind of information out without her parents being around." I wanted to respond with, "you already opened the door, and told me your parents are away, bad move." Seriously, if I was going to kidnap you, I wouldnt wait until after I had asked all these ridiculous questions about which school system your parents support, any idiot kidnapper would have you in a box van by now.

B