The First Of Millions

On The Road

I figured I should take a break from playing connect the dots 
with my bed bug bites to update my fantastic blog site. 
Our time in Jordan has sadly come to an end, and unfortunatley, 
we are back in the Cairo airport waiting for our flight back 
to Istanbul, aka. Our sanctuary. "We better not have to 
leave the gate" we snapped, after landing in Cairo. 
Our flight from Amman was quite uneventful, except for our 
flight attendant who was shamelessly hitting on Cam the entire 
time. He first made his "love at first sight" emotions clear, 
when asking at the begining of the flight if we were stopping 
in Cairo or transiting through. He begged Cam to stay in Cairo, 
and when hearing that we were Canadian he insisted he could 
come to Montreal to be with her. We thought that was a pretty 
random city until we opened the flight operations guide and 
saw that EgyptAir flies direct to Montreal, its only Canadian 
destination. After burning a hole through her shirt for the 
duration of the flight, he blessed us all with three free 
juice boxes.. One of the cheapest offerings we have received 
for marriage to date. "Do whatever you need to to get us into 
first class" I insisted. We had to settle for the orange juice.

During our four hour layover, we decided that we needed to 
convert our remaining Jordanian Dinars, so that we could 
have one final craptastic egyptian mea in the terminal. 
They had no currency conversion office on our side of the 
terminal, so we sent Lindsay back through customs to do 
the task. I stood and watched as she handed off her passport 
and boarding pass to a security guard, and then disapear into 
the hustle and bustle. As time pased on, and Linds didn't 
reappear, I began to think about how long I had to wait before 
going back to Cam and sounding the alarm of Linds' new missing 
persons status. I feared Cams reaction at our foolish plan of 
seperating and Linds vanishing through reverse customs alone, 
without her passport. What seemed like centuries later, Linds 
reappeared, currency in hand, I thanked Allah, and we were on 
our way. Almost immideietly after this, I had to pull Linds 
away from the burger king cashier counter, as she was demanding 
more free ketchup with alarming desperation. "Can I trade you 
this bbq sauce for more?!" She desperatley cried. Upon hearing 
the rejection, Linds wailed "but four just isn't enough for
 both of us!"

B

Hot In Here

I think that if one more person follows up "wow, I am excruciatingly hot
right now" with, "but, at least its a dry heat" I might be in arabia jail
faster than anticipated. Our tour guides first mistake was telling
me that the city on the opposite side of the river was in Palestine, as my
first intention was to find the pedestrian bridge across the casually
mentioned.  We are in Aqaba, Jordan, and despite the air condition-less
hotel stay we had last night, things are fantastic! I woke up at 3am thinking
that I was transformed into a piece of pottery, and being finished in a kiln.
The AC had decided to start pumping hot air into my room, and apparently
into the entire hotel. I marched down the the lobby to insist on getting a
new room, but to my disappointment no one was working. Shockingly my
first thought was not to go back to sleep, but instead to steal internet time,
"if no one was working, no one could charge me" I reasoned. I then
considered sneaking up to Cam and Linds room to sleep. On their spare
couch, but felt too guilty waking them up at now four am.
I went back to my room and sat in front of the opened mini fridge until it was
suitable to head back to sleep.

We are next heading to a bedouin village to sleep in 
the desert, and there I can test my true fear of the 
Desert Camel Spider.

B

Our Time In Prison

Today is our first full day in Jordan. Our final days in Egypt were quite plesant, and filled with rather interesting activities. We climbed the highest mountain in Egypt, and were guided by a local bedouin, who I am certain was an escaped mental patient, and thinking back- I think we were lucky to have made it through the experience in good condition. We were followed up to the summit the entire way by bedouin with camels, preying on the weak members of the pack, offering to take them for an unreasonable at best price. They would target the lallygagers at the back of the group, or those deemed to be "too unhealthy" to summit the peak, and as they were quite blunt, it made for some akward encounters: "your body wont allow you to succeed ma'am." The next day we checked into an all enclusive resort in Nweiba, on the Red Sea. I've never been so excited to have a plastic braclet around my wrist ever in my life. We instantly hit up the swim up bar for drinks at 11am, before unpacking. Perhaps not a wise choise with our snorkeling arrangements a few hours later on. Cam and I chose snorkeling, and Linds decided to test her fate with scuba diving. Our guides took us out on their boat into the Red Sea, and showed us how frighteningly close they could take us to Saudi Arabia. "Just let me touch it!" I demanded. We had a fantastic time out in the sea, and I used up my camera battery taking underwater pictures and videos. We also got to see sting rays swimming below us. On the way back to shore they let us take turns driving the boat, except I was barred from doing so after it was realizied that I would likely steer us into hostile fire in an irrational attempt to add another country to my "been there" list. The next day our creepster guide dropped us off at the ferry port at 11am for in his words "an unscheduled ferry to Jordan", which ended up leaving at 6pm. He was in a hurry to get started on his nine hour journey back to Cairo. His selfish act meant we were essentially held in a minimum security prison for seven hours, mingling with Egypt's worse. Not to mention the infestation of flies. Knowing that we were just down the road from our all enclusive paradise was nearly too much to handle, and the three of us were placed on suicide watch when we were spotted getting a little too close to the rotating ceiling fans. Our new tour guide was likely not impressed with his tour group when we arrived off the boat, but luckily from the looks of it, he will be much better than our previous one. We were relieved to hear he has a wife, and likely won't be trying to get me out of the picture so he can persue Cam and Linds as Mo did on an hourly basis.

B

Mummy Train

Today was our last day in Cairo. The entire group was quite sleepy, as we spent the evening prior on an overnight train from Luxor, and I suspect the train driver was a trainee who definetly needed the practice. The train continuously came to abrubt screeching halts throughout the voyage, and we were convinced a derailment was imminent. "He better have run over scores of animals last night to justify those skills" I insisted. Though I must be truthful in admitting that our lack of sleep could be the direct result of Cam, Linds, and I pulling off all of our bedsheets and wrapping ourselves into mummy outfits to scare the pants off our fellow passengers. All explinations aside, we were tired the next day and our trusly defective tour guide "Mo" whisked us off to the Cairo citadel. This tourist site was actually quite impressive and we all enjoyed the cooler temperatures, due to the thickest layer of smog me, or my lungs have ever seen/enhaled. Perhaps the highlight of this day was at the Citadel, was when Mo began lecturing us about the Gihad (sp?) in a suprisingly supportive tone. Mo then dropped us off, slash abandonded us at Cairo's main market place, and we spent the next few hours fending off the locals, and took a cab back to the hotel for an afternoon nap. Later that night I opted out of an evening dinner and whirling dervish show for and evening of MTV Arabia and apple fanta, as there is only so much whirling a person can tolerate.

At this very moment were are driving via semi-AC'ed bus to the Sinai penninsula to go to Nweiba. Here we are scheduled to clim Egypt's highest mountain, which is the site where the 10 commandments were first learned. We intend to see if we can break all 10 before reaching the summit.

B

Slow Poke

Ok, so clearly I suck at updating my blog, and I put all the blame not on laziness, but on proper access to the net. Plus a twist of laziness I suppose. However, on our many bus rides I have been writing my blog entries into my Blackberry, and I will upload them as soon as I have longer then 20 minutes on a computer. Fellow tourists continue to pace past me, staring at me with those disgruntled eyes, wanting to e-mail their loved ones and such. Not cool. However, this works in favour of my readers, because now my blog entries will have an enhanced "direct from the field" edge.

Right now I am in Jordan, and loving it. Highlights include the Dead Sea, Petra, and "camping" with the Bedouins, which was a tad of a challenge, but, their is plenty of blogging to describe all that mayhem. I will seriously upload them in the next day or two, so keep checking back!!

Miss YALL-Forgive my tartiness

B

Sudan Hot

Since arriving in Egypt, our tour has kept us quite busy, visiting temples, museums and other non-such things. The extreme culture shock from Cairo that I was experiencing was quickly replaced with triple extreme heat exhaustion. I am never usually one to complain about heat, but it is relentlessly hot, all the time. For example, I have been applying sunscreen at 6am on a daily basis, and temperatures have never been below 40C, unless of course it is first thing in the morning, like today, when it was 38C when we began our Donkey trek, at 6am. My life here entirley revolves around proximity to shade, water rationing, and my newfound reliance on AC to survive. Our tour guide is now completley on my bad side for saying that I am too lazy in Egypt, and for mocking my daily stints with heat stroke. After leaving Cairo, we headed south, via train to Aswan, and spent a lot of time touring the Egyptian temples around the area, including Abu Simbel, which happened to be on the Egyptian/Sudan border, which was disturbingly sweltering hot in every way. It is best compared to when you open your oven to check on your delicious baked goods, and you jump back from the wall of flesh burning heat that wafts into your face.. all the time.

Now.. enough e-complaining for one posting. Last night we took a tour-organized horse-carriage ride around Luxor, and Linds, Cam, and myself squished ourselves into one cabin, much to the dissaproval of the general population. Most locals assume that I have two wives, and continuously give me offers to purchase one of my extras. The highest offer as of yet, for Cam, is 2 million Camels and one fish. I always ask them to bring me the camels, so I can inspect the sturdynes of their physique, and general re-sale potential before I make any rash decisions. This usually puts an end to things. Our carriage cut off the main streets and entered an incredibly busy pedestrian market. It was slightly unpleasant, because all the locals had to dive out of our way clutching their babies and goats and we baracadded down the narrow alleyways, pretty much a scene right out of Robin Hood. Probably the highlight was when a local chicken farmer thought it would be a great tourist moment for us, if he snatched a live chicken out of a cage by its neck, and shove it into our faces. I was first alerted of this crime against the cluckster when I heared it sqwacking a few carriages ahead. As he came running towards me, all I could think of was "Avian Flu!", and burried my face into the lice stained fabric of the carriage. Thankfully our driver whiped him with his horse stick before he could do anymore mental damage to my already fragile state. After this atrocity, we continued to smile uncomfortably to the locals we were displacing, and they simply stared back with their American hating eyes.

Tonight, we are taking a night train back to Cairo, and then further connecting to the Red Sea coast where we were promised an all inclusive resort by our incredibly imcompetant slash racist slash creepster tour director.

B

Welcome To Cairo

Our flight to Cairo was an eventful one, mostly because the three of us were so excited for the next lag of our adventure! Mid way through the flight, we were discussing the fact that we were arriving in Cairo the same day as Barack Obama. "Maybe we will see his plane fly past us in the sky" Linds foolishly imagined. "I bet he will hold a sign in the window wishing us a good trip" I sarcastically replied. As you may know, I am a bit of a skeptic.. however, I have been eating my words on a number of occasions since being on vacation. As we landed, I was preoccupied with trying to learn Arabic, when Linds grabbed my arm with incredible force. "OH MY GOD BRETT!" I looked at her with confusion, expecting her to claim her camera was missing, when really, it was tied safetly around her wrist. "AIR FORCE ONE IS RIGHT OUTSIDE!" Sure enough, well pulled up to Barack Obama's plane at the gate. We began snapping pictures like riduclous school children who just saw Hannah Montana. I believe we may have even been escorted off the plane, and the stuarts began to tidy it for the next batch of travellers.

Our excitment quickly came to a halt, when we experienced culture shock like no other in the Cairo airport. We somehow ended up in the Sudan quarantine line, and had a hell of a time trying to buy Visa's for entrance. After we got our luggage we spent a dredful three hours finding our way to our hotel, a hotel which we never bothered to write down the address or contact information for. I would elaborate more, however the wounds are still to fresh for me to recount. However, all I will say it that it involved a corrupt taxi service, vehicle abandonment, and me having to argue with the rip-off taxi leader via our drivers cell phone about how much money we had to pay. I believe I stopped bardering when he said "If you dont like this price your driver will bring you and your luggage to me, and we will have a little chat about it at my office."

B

"I want the tapes"

My apologies for lack of writing, and to be honest, I have no excuses, other than being to frugal to pay and arm and a leg for internet access.

After our train ride to Zagreb, Croatia, we flew to Istanbul, to meet up with Linds who was arriving from Calgary that same day. We did a warp speed tourist visit of the city, as we only had three days before flying to Cairo. On our first night, Linds and I headed for dinner at a restaurant in the main tourist district of Sultanahmet. After our delicious dinner we wandered the streets for a while, making some random, yet exciting stops on the way back to our hotel. We of course headed straight for the four seasons to make friends with the security staff, so when we were discovered in the future for making use of their pool facilities, things might go a little smoother. We got back to the hotel around midnight, and watched some ridiculous movie as we fell asleep. Around this time I was jolted awake with the realization that I had lost my sunglasses, and that I had left them on the table of the restaurant in Sultanahmet. "Dammit!" I wailed, jostling Linds from her semi-coma. "I left my stupid sunglasses at the stupid restaurant-I have to go get them!" After we debated where they could have gone, I got out my shoes and insisted that I had to run back to get thm, before the restaurant closed, and they played the "who are you" card had I gone back the next day. I spent 20 minutes darting through the streets of Istanbul, leaping over mounds of trash, and avoiding sqirly street children chasing me with water hoses. "I hate my life, hate my life, hate my life" I kept repeating over and over. When I finally arrived at the restaurant, there was no sign of the sunglasses, but they were quite helpful, and said, that If I really was certain I had left them there, I could return the next day to review the security tapes. I insisted that this was nessisary, and bid farewell. On the way back to the hotel, I pondered how long it would take the girls the realize I was missing if someone kidnapped me. I even created an escape plan for the inevitable.

The next day, as Linds and Cam toured the Aya Sophia, I headed back to the restaurant and abruptly interrupted a staff lunch, with my relentless questions about the whereabouts of my sunglasses. "If you are absolutley certain you left them here, we can review the tapes Sir," they offered.. "Get the tapes" I replied. I meant business. They took me into a dark cellar, and began reviewing the footage from the night before. There is nothing worse then watching your entire one hour dinner on a TV screen from a previous time, in front of 4 employees. I sat there glaring at my sunglasses, placed just at the edge of the table.. waiting and waiting for the moment we left. As we got up from the table I started freaking out "Leave the glasses Brett! Don't take them!" and sure enough, just after I shooed away a stray cat, I reached for my sunglasses and we headed out. The manager switched off the camera, and gave me an evil glare, "so, you werent certain then were you?" Before I could respond he motioned towards the door, and I shamefully exited the building.

That night I was just falling asleep, and was creepily watching Linds write in her travel journal, and get ready for bed. As she went to put her sunglasses into their case, I saw her shaking it, trying to figure out what was inside. She slowly opened it, to reveal my sunglasses. She sat there staring at them, trying to comprehend how this happened. She slowly turned and looked at me, likely to check if It was too late to stash them into my suitcase. We both burst out laughing. I was mostly relieved that I no longer had to buy new sunglasses from a street vendor, because I could envision the argument over UV protection being intense.

B

Planes Trains and Automobiles

Things have been very fast paced the last little while since leaving Dubrovnik. We took a short yet vomit enducing bus ride through the winding hills of Bosnia to Mostar. Here, we had some delicious "Burek" which is a pastry-ish snack filled with potato and spinach, which was delicious, and we became fast friends. At one point, Cam and I ordered so much Burek at a restaurant, that we sent the server into a tizzy. "But..but.. I just gave your food to the girl" she whimpered with confusion. "Oohh, no thats just for her, we very hungry miss". We spent the next hour force feeding ourselves the five heaping platters of pastries in an attempt to hide our failure. We happened to be sitting at the same table as a British man, working in Sarajevo who quickly understood how foolish we had been, and kindly informed us that it would be OK if we asked for a doggie bag, which would come in handy whilst trying to fend off the stray cats. Our time in Bosnia was delightful, quite different then our routine in Croatia, which consisting of swimming, eating Pistaccio gelato, and creating home made sangria (sp?) in the evenings with our newfound Australian, British, and NZ friends. "We are all from the Commonwealth!" we exclaimed with glee one evening, likely the to shudders of the other tourists who were sitting close by. In Sarajevo, we were blasted with +15C weather, however the incredible sights made up for the climatic reality check.

After our night in Sarajevo, which included a delicious dinner at the Brewery, and unfortunatley the discovery of some type of insects in our beds-which ultimatley led to Cam sleeping in her suitcase, and I, wrapping myself into my sleeping bag.. we then boarded an overnight train to Zagreb. This 10 hour train ride was a rollercoaster of emotions, yet overall, in my opinion, was a delight. We managed to snag our own cabin, a term I use loosely, and we spent a solid 30 minutes devising a plan to convince any incoming passengers to leave, "how to we make a sign to communicate Infectious diseases?" we pondered, and decided to tell anyone who may try to smoke that we were both asthmatic with zero tolerance policies. Luckily, the train was eventually abandonded, likely because the locals knew the implications of travelling via train through rural Bosnia. It was eventually just us and the Gypsies, playing their flutes and devil music in the cart next to us, and once they lept from the train, likely to avoid the ticket guard, it was just us. We were startled awake three times during the ride, and by "startled" I mean with the presense of fire arms, on the authorities of course. "Do they want our passports or tickets!!?" we mumbled under our breaths, as we riffled through our bags in fear.

Eventually we arrived back in Zagreb, Croatia in one piece, and spent the morning migrating from one coffee shop to the next, until it was time to board our flights to Munich, and eventually Istanbul, where I am writing this post.

Tomorrow we are off to Cairo, to begin our tour of Egypt and Jordan. I will make a much better effort to relay the hilarious stories that have followed me on my travels.

Until next time,
B