FML?

So I am sitting in the lunchroom, next to another co-worker. On his way out, he switched off the lights.. Am I THAT invisible? ...fml?

B

New Feature

As you all know, I love feedback... and we also know that as of late you all are lazy in the comment department. So, I have made things a little bit easier for you. For each blog posting, you can decide if you think it is funny, odd, or lame city, just check a box below each blog posting...

B

Mobile Moment

Why did I just have to spend five minutes of my life convincing my brain dead manager that drinking tap water is not only safe, but not equivalent to drinking drain-o? "Well if I die its your fault" she responded. She has the type of defective personality that seemingly believes that displaying limited education leads her audience to believe she leads a glamorous lifestyle. "All I drink is bottled.. So I don't even know how ill react". I had to bite my tougne when she took some ice cubes from the lunchroom freezer.. And again when she said that thirty percent of 30 was three.

B

Blog City

Here is the newest installment to appear on the blog line. Four Litre Chocolate Milk, written by one of DT's loyal readers, and Calgary's tallest chocolate milk addict. Peculiar yes, funny.. you will have to read.

I am not traveling anywhere, I am not having a quarter-life crisis, I've never attempted suicide, and my life is not particularly interesting. However, sometimes mildly humorous events happen, and a few of them deserve some small pocket of existence in the middle of cyberspace.



Enjoy enjoy enjoy,
..but always remember your favorite blog

B

Seen

Which out of control Britney mega-fan was seen at the Hamilton concert mingling with the popstars management team? After snapping a few photos with his new besties, my guess is he got to meet her security crew as he made a second attempt to slip more notes under Britney's hotel room door.


How much is bail, P?

B

Tweed, Gotcha!

I do apologize for my lack of blogging as of late, as I hate to admit, I have been putting in some serious hours at the hellish destination I call work. When I am not occupied figuring out how I can act like a toaster expert, I am spending the remainder of my time doing "summer things" and looking for a new job of course. Everyday that I am at work, and am approached by a customer, I ask myself if this is the one that will send me searching for some scrap paper to scribble down my notice of resignation.

Today I had a fairly successful information interview with a contact who works in the field that I am interested in bombarding with resumes, and ideally, a position for me, fitted with a more than ridiculous salary. My contact instructed me that he would be wearing jeans and a "tweed" jacket, which I could use as clues to identify him in the unfortunately circus-like coffee shop downtown. I arrived early, and found a seat facing right at the main doorway, glaring at each and every person that entered, trying to decide if what they were wearing counted as tweed, and soon enough I was distracted by how confused I was about what tweed actually was. I determined that it was something that looked like a hybrid between twine, and brown... the colour. "Is that what detectives wear?" Before I knew it, I was ignoring all incoming candidates who didn't resemble Sherlock Holmes. At one point, I had to move to a different table, because a small group of "young adults" aka. "yolts" sat next to me. I didn't want them to witness a blind-interview with a ridiculously desperate graduate. If they were anything like me, they would sit in silence, watching, and insert quiet gasps of disapproval and enjoyment. Thankfully, upon his arrival, he quickly picked me out of the crowd of business suits, and scenster jumpers and our meeting began. He insisted on buying me a drink, and I soon shuddered with frustration when I asked the "barista" for a Raspberry Happy Planet juice, as I assumed he quickly realized that only kids ordered juice.


Overall, it was positive experience, and if all else fails, I can simply survive via setting up three info interviews everyday... for the free food and drinks.

B

So, There Is A God?

I almost swerved into oncoming traffic when I heard the delightful news that a mini-Seinfeld reunion was in the works! The characters from my favorite show, Seinfeld, will be in a 5 episode arc of one of my new favorite shows, Curb Your Enthusiasm, coming this fall! BBBee excited!


B

Halifax Is The New Black?

It has been a recent observation of mine that my fellow peers and family members have been flocking to Halifax like its going out of style.. or perhaps, is coming into style. DT correspondent, 642, is already on the scene, and reports this week from Halifax that it is "AMAZING", and time has been well spent devouring Atlantic lobster and the maritime accent laden beaches. Perhaps I should spend less time contemplating the pro's and con's of going vegetarian, and more time raising money to buy plane tickets to follow my journalistic curiosities. For now, we must settle for the feedback of those DT readers who haven the big Heazy as their vacation destination.


B

Pop The Corks!

August 4, 2009 is a very exciting day for all Defective Thoughts readers! Starting today, the site has has its very own domain name on the WWW, and all you loyal readers have much less to type in the address bar! You can now reach my blog at:

www.defectivethoughts.info

Yes, yes, I know, ".info" isn't the most glamorous domain name, but some reject emo in the making has already snapped the ".com" gem up, and we all know I don't have the financial means to put in a bid for it! As in life, I have been trying to take some thrifty routes, and made the $1.06 leap on the .info train! Make sure to make the necessary edits in your favorites folder!

Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy!
B

Take A Guess!

So I just dropped $1.06 on my blog.. Can anyone guess what the money was for? Its very exciting! Post your guesses below, as the news will soon be revealed!

Have a good day,
B

In My Favourites

I would like to share with you one of my favorite new websites, perhaps not new to the internet, but new to my e-radar, and thus, the definition of new. Im sure many of your parents have signed onto facebook, wreaking havoc on your life in hilarious ways. This site, Oh Crap, My Parents Joined Facebook has pretty funny stories, and of course, screen shots highlighting the reason why all should fear the day that their parents send you a friend request.

Enjoy,
B

Mobile Moment

I have officially set up my online blogging profile, and like the Twitter account I never had, this blog will soon become even harder to resist. Keep coming back for many mobile updates!

Talk Soon, B

The Wave

It seemed as if I had found myself in a somewhat bearable summer routine these past few weeks at my new job at a housewares department store, until of course today happened, and I suspect that this mounting anxiety is wearing the strength of my "working retail" camels back quite thin. There's nothing more motivating to make a life change then rolling and stacking carpets at 9am on a stat holiday, especially when your missing out on a fantastic daytime party across town. I was standing there, staring at the mound of carpets left to be sorted and rolled up thinking "as if this morning could be any worse" when a panicked customer slash human/lassie hybrid ran up to me, trying to stutter out a panicked tale of how the plumbing in the washroom had gone all poltergeist on him. Mere moments later, I watched in awe as water came seeping through the floor boards of the wall surrounding the disaster zone, and a tidal wave of thankfully clean bathroom water came hurdling towards the carpets department. It is usually moments like these that I flee the scene, and act shocked when I stroll by later, after the clean-up tasks have been assigned. After hour three of operation water mop-up my rage-o-meter was reaching alarming territory, and I was beginning to have flash backs to the breaking point of many of my other infamously hideous working positions, however in past positions, I've usually got a few months of experience under my belt justifying the resignation paperwork. I was missing TStew's Mexican themed party for an afternoon of water mopping, and I contemplated sneaking away from my post for just a couple margaritas and chimmichangas in Briar Hill. If it werent for the holiday wages, and fear of living in the red I would have busted out my miracas and hit the road. However then I thought back to all the painful things I had endured all year long... Indigenous Rita McNeil, four months without cotton, door to door harassment, and now, a river of pain, flowing all over the place I now make my buck. I've made it this far working in places I would prefer to set on fire, and with people I personally believe should be locked up with the key melted down into worthless pennies.. I can't give up now. I swallowed my angst, did my best to bite me togne, when.. for the first time in my life I saw a woman, whose hair clashed with her umbrella, and mopped on.


Tomorrow is my big day off, and I can gurantee my resumes will be hitting the scene at record pace, in a continued attempt to free myself from these occupations I swore off when I was 21. Oh how naive I was!

B