Malaria Bites.. Hard

Today I went to the travel clinic to further continue my days as a human pin-cushion. Today was my final visit, and I am now immune to a variety of diseases with fancy names.. my favorite of which being Polio. In the lobby I enjoyed listening to an older couple banter back and forth deciding whether or not to buy the discount mosquito nets on sale. "We'll be fine Honey, there are more bugs here then Africa." I watched the secretary bite her lip. Apparently the nets were discounted because each year they loose 10% of the mosquito protecting chemicals sprayed onto the fabric. The husband was trying to convince the wife that he heard once that if you wear this specific kind of shirt made by "the army" it had mosquito repellent sprayed right into the material. "Its like a bullet proof vest" he insisted. "So what about the mosquito's that fly right up your nose? How will the shirt prevent that?" The distressed wife asked her husband. "The shirt repels the mosquitoes away form your entire body! They are THAT powerful" he insisted. The secretary had pretty much bitten right through her lip by this point. I wanted to interject and question if they were planning on wearing this "super shirt" when they slept..every night. I am fairly certain that sleeping in DEET-dipped fabric cannot be safe. I abandoned this skit when I went and sat down in the waiting chairs, but I am pretty sure they left with a discount bug net with 80% repellent coverage. I immediately lunged for the Malaria information booklet, so I could read up on how long this couple was going to last before contracting the crippling disease. This booklet was probably the most hilarious thing I have ever read, and I brought it home so I could read it on a daily basis. It told a surprisingly detailed story of how mosquitoes can give you Malaria, and I will quote the informative booklet below:

THE ENEMY,
It is sunset-the hunt for human blood begins. She is tiny, elegant, dark spots on her wings, slender legs, with a prominent tubular proboscis, with which she will draw your blood. The mosquito enters your bedroom at night. You may recognize her by the way she rests on the wall- standing on her head with her body tilting upwards, protruding into the air like a rocket on a launching pad. She is your enemy, because only she can harbor the malaria parasite and carry it from an infected person to a new victim.

THE BITE,
Now that the burglar has entered your premises, she is waiting in a dark corner for the right moment to rob you of your precious blood. She, attracted by your warmth and the carbon dioxide you leisurely exhale, approaches silently. First, two needle-pointed stylets will stab your skin, then two blades bearing very fine teeth will lacerate your flesh like a microscopic saw, searching for a small vein.

This story was probably the most frightening thing I had ever read. I wondered if R. L. Stine had dabbled in disease prevention manuals before he hit gold with his horror stories. I am very certain I will be having nightmares this evening. If only that poor couple had the opportunity to read this before making the ridiculous decision of buying a dysfunctional mosquito net. Let us pray.


B