Co-Worker Profile: Hurricane

Being that I spend nearly 40 hours every week selling toasters, popcorn poppers, and glamorizing curtain rods, I spend a considerable, embarrassing amount of time analyzing the personality hiccups and genetic "oopsie!'s" of my co-workers. These are their stories...

Hurricane:
She walks like a Hurricane, talks like a Hurricane, and looks like a Hurricane, and therefore, Sarah, is now named Hurricane. She rather enjoys following up statements with overly exaggerated rebuttals, or better yet, her own original set of catch phrases. Instead of replying to comments or statements with B's classics, "great", "cool", or "that's fantastic", she chooses to make my blood boil, using phrases such as "righteous!", or "so uber!" Its times like these I need to retract the exacto blade back into its holster before it gets splice happy and I get sent to prison. Didnt Hurricane read DT's list of whats hot and not for 2009? The "U" word was banished 7 months ago! Hurricane is the type of defective who moves someplace new, yet never shuts up about her prior stomping grounds, being Ontario, because "everything is better in Ontario." Really? Than why not take your Category five lameness back where you came from? This afternoon, and every afternoon since I've known her, she has complained that groceries are "outrageously" more expensive here in Alberta than in Ontario. In fact, you can buy a twelve pack of romaine lettuce back in her mother land for only one dollar. The scenario that sent her into this hysterical tizzy?.. earlier at Safeway, she went to by some "blue grapes", and they cost six dollars per carton. "My grandma back in Ontario has a blue grape bush in her backyard, I could get them for free there!" -- "Maybe thats because nobody knows what a blue grape is", I grumbled. I asked her why produce was so much cheaper in Ontario, and she replied "Umm because they grow it there.. geeze!".. I then said, "really? Even in the winter time?" At some point she segweyed into a story about how her boyfriend and her had bought 12 steaks from CO-OP for $15-20 last night, contradicting her earlier arguments. Again, I snarled under my breath that I think she got tricked into eating dog food, and mistook it for steaks. If you think Hurricane sounds idiotic now, wait until you hear how when her roomate was in Italy, she got a real Louis Vuitton bag for only $5o..AND it was real.. because the man at the BOOTH told her so.

B