Guest Blogger: Triceratops

Despite the countless exciting moments that I encounter in my days, I have encouraged my fellow peers to send in their blog postings, to add a little variety. Here is the first installment from "Triceratops."

I've had a long and painful "career" in retail. Since I'm praying to baby jesus that I will soon leave mall hell and join the world of the office bitch with my hopefully not useless degree, I'm going to share my years of wisdom and experience with you fine people. I'd like to call my first story and life lesson OLD MEN. They lurk in every mall and are ever so predictable. They arrive at the exact same time every night,creeping on all the young girls working hard for their money. I've had many of these such men in my life but only a few really stick out and are worthy of this blog.

SKELETOR- S and I had a long term relationship but he was a player with several other creep-on relationships on the go. He was wisely not putting all his false teeth in one basket, a true playa playa. This man was not a day over 195 and sadly about 6 months into his creeping he started to smell like urine. He walked about 0.00000000000001 km/hr, wore a leather jacket, old fishermans hat and arrived at 7:30 pm every night. Every once and a while if he was feeling real frisky he would throw in an afternoon shift (12:30 pm) for his full time working ladies. His creeptastic visits started off slow, I suppose he was easing me into the ever coveted position of "skeletor mall lady". He quickly became more aggressive complimenting my work attire and hair. He began boasting about his weekends spent boating around some lake with his dog while his wife was at home... How hunky! Based on his ability to walk/move I assume this boating was done in the bathtub and he was probably batshit crazy. Things got even hotter when he started asking me out. He was always so subtle about it, probably due to his 18th century upbringing. This lady charmer started slowly asking me about my love life just to make sure I was still on the market. He then proceeded to ask me about my plans for that particular evening, always responding with "well if I were a bit younger I would be asking you out every night!" Ya I get it gramps, you would totally tap this. Weeks of flirtacious banter went by and he did finally drink enough pediasure to feel young enough to ask me for a meeting outside of the mall security's watchful eye. I politely declined. At this point the creep factor got too much for me and I started taking extended bathroom breaks at 7:30 pm. He eventually got the hint and added another girl a few stores down to his pickup route. I have not seen him in over a year, he's most likely dead... Or boating.

Hold your breath until next time when I recount the story of old man "crisco face".
Until next time.



TriceratopS

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