Source of E-vil

So the bottom line is that my restaurant job is just not making the cut, and upon finally finding the password to break into my online banking account and discovering the true horror of my "situation critical" financial holdings, I have realized that I need to get another job, that provides me with some "heavy duty" income. Trail-blazing my way down to work on a daily basis for an often 1 hour and 45 minute shift is not quite helping my money situation, it instead is exposing me to the pure evil J-scene for just too little time to join in, and too much time to put up with it. If that makes any sense. I remembered how I got in this J-mess to begin with.. my hatred for job hunting. (See post: The Big Chill.)

Today I met one of my favorites, "map-star" at her glamorous job downtown for her lunch break. We bounced around one hilarious job possibility after another, weighing the pro's and con's in true "B-style" including reprising my role as the Blending King of Kensington, or selling maps and globes to passionate professionals at "Map World." How does this place stay in business? I asked myself. Mapstar then informed me that this establishment was programed into her cell phone, for "business" she gleefully explained. Maybe this is why I couldn't find a job.. I couldn't even see the potential for a store to sell maps exclusively. After our always outrageous lunch experiences, I hit up a string of shops that I dreamed of working for.. including bookstores, hardware shops, and even home office suppliers (..strictly for the sharpee discount.) I was enraged at all five destinations, when the clerks told me, "Yes, we are hiring, however they prefer you to just go online and apply there." One bookstore even told me, that after visiting this website, I had to go to another web address to fill out a survey for my application to be complete. What happened to the good old days when I could toss my resumes out of airplanes for all to enjoy- I was in the mood to waste some serious paper. "Well can I just give you this resume now?" I pleaded.. "Its best to go online" they would insist. All I wanted to do was argue back "But im here now!" but knew that couldnt help my chances. After leaving, enraged at this "e-trend" I insisted that I couldn't work for a place that was that idiotic. But then I had visions of me getting hired, via e-mail, and then once on the job scene, I could attack the botched system from the inside. I would trash the employment servers, promote paper wasting, and work towards appearance discrimination.. the way people should be hired. How could I possibly charm them over the internet?

At the Office Supply store, I had a moment almost exactly like the shameful MEC incident. I asked the cashier for an application form, and was directed towards the office furniture section to "find a desk and office chair to fill out the application comfortably." When I was halfway through the form, I got to questions such as "Do you own a home?" Of course not.. I was applying for this job, "Do you have a credit card", "What is your annual income".. again..whatever I can scrape way from the J-man. I looked at the top of the form an realized I was given a "credit card approval" form. What an idiot cashier. This was the moment when I planned to flee, but got up the courage to inform the cashier of her mistakes. I was also using her Shrek pen, and was too polite to make away with it.

Tomorrow I plan to sell my soul to yet another evil of the service industry.. Starbucks. Maybe I can build up enough courage to write "Bachelor of Science" on yet another job application.



B